Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Contemplathings XII

1. To resign or not to resign

It's final. Our company's migrating our account to Araneta Center on the 21st. Which means by then, I will have to start taking a jeep and a bus (or the MRT) everyday I go to work, since I live in Taguig. I ruled out the shuttle service in Market Market. (I've been getting tips that the car seats smell of old laundry.)

Then I read a company email from one of the Bosses. It noted that there is an alarming upward trend in absenteeism and tardiness, blah blah blah, and that there are agents who keep on getting away without punitive action. The email ends in a cheerful note: "I am not pleased and I don't want this to continue. I want blood."

In any case, there will have to be only one way to save my ass: resign before my neck says hi to the ax.

2. To text or not to text Joey.
To say that I miss him terribly would be the understatement of the century. There are times I would lie in my bed and try to remember his face and I would find out my memory of what he looks like fades by the day. That's a terrible thing, starting to unconsciously forget how someone you love looks like.

I want to continue texting him, invite him for a genuinely innocent cup of coffee. But that is the most guaranteed way to look like a stalker, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to look like one.

3. To go out or not to go out on V-Day.
I have been invited by someone already to go out on the day after this coming Friday the 13th. But I'm not sure it would be fair to the guy if I date him when I still have strong feelings for Joey.

I am also surprised though to find out that if it comes to it, there are actually people I would consider dating. Jeez, I'm a mess.


My apologies if I can't continue my project in progress. There are just so many things going inside my head; I think I need a real Pensieve. As Jamie said, blogging is some sort of Pensieve, but I think I need the real thing. I'm that screwed up.


Niel Camhalla said...

Something tells me you know what you want. Go for it!

jamie da vinci! said...

care to share with my kaldero? i got it for a steal at 168!!! :) bwahahahaha!

Anonymous said...

hey...i have been a constant follower of your blog...

i'm just curious, are you still an agent up til now?why is that so?why werent you promoted?i am part of the human resources group from one of the reputable call center /bpo companies, and i think you could be good for a supervisory role already, basing from your thoughts and how you compose your blog entries.


Is it possible to have sex with someone out of pure, mere lust? - the answer is no. I slept with my bestfriend which was dreadful. I did it since I do believe our bodies are just bodies, instruments to convey emotion. I had friendly love, though, but still a NO!

Sleep with someone whom you romantically love! Lust passes, love doesnt.

Herbs said...

zomg. you're right. i should've found this blog. this is gay hahah :P

everything will pull through in god's time. in our case, it will never come haha

Victor Gregor said...

@Niel: Yeah, I guess I know what I want. I was just being emo. Enough of self-pity.

@Jamie: I'm afraid a kaldero wouldn't suffice. I need a palanggana. LOL.

@Anonymous. Thanks! I'm still an agent, though endorsed a few times to a higher post. Among other reasons, I don't have a degree.

Re sex (cough) without (cough) love: My other gay friends disagree with you. They say they do it all the time, and they don't even remember the names of the guys they sleep with. I guess they have a serious problem. LOL.

@Herbs: What did I tell you? Your gaydar failed. Disastrously. LOL.

theCHAOSPILOT said...

the new building in cubao is a wow. but i don't really like the location. talk about hold-up prone areas.

well, we share the same dilemma. *sigh* i just made out with a friend last, well, last night. it's a relief that he is still texting me and looking forward to seeing me again after what happened.

love sucks. gad.

Anonymous said...

Hey victor, anonymous here. gays are stereotyped as sex starved beings, and i wish to end that idea . i may not consider myself as such, but i guess i am not your typical guy. sex inside the context of love, is me. so dont go out with guys just for the temporary whim it brings. sorry for misjudging your friends, but i think they're lonely, and sex and lust were their ways to escape. please dont be like them.

i was "captured" by your blog...i guess.

and i love that koji guy, too.

Victor Gregor said...

@anonymous: thanks a lot. like what niel said, i know what i want. and i know i should not settle for a jot less.

pabisita naman sa blog mo. hehe.

Victor Gregor said...

@theCHAOSpilot: "it's a relief that he is still texting me and looking forward to seeing me again after what happened." buti ka pa. :(

Anonymous said...

not to be selfish, but i'm a bit embarassed by my own blog. i have no tags whatsoever. it sucks compared to yours, and I'm learning a lot from you.
walang time and walang effort e. you are one prolific writer. you gave me more reasons why I need (not want) to pursue my masters degree in UP, kaya lang parang andaming bading.

nawalan pa ng inspiration. not to mention stubborn proofreading, plus atrocious grammar

Victor Gregor said...

@anonymous: my blog is actually a dump when compared to other blogs. it just seems neat because i try to keep it as minimalist as i can. hehe.

but then, i guess you can let me look into your blog, and let's brainstorm on what we could do. two are heads are better than one, they say. ;)

re "you gave me more reasons why I need (not want) to pursue my masters degree in UP, kaya lang parang andaming bading":

it bothers you if you have gay classmates?

PS. your grammar is not atrocious, but then again, i think it's just false humility. hehe.

Anonymous said...

i'll show you mine if i'm ready.i'll try to edit it first. it's more of a diary and not a blog, and my blog contains personal stuff. it pales in comparison to yours, i guarantee that.
well for the gay classmates, i definitely don't have a problem with that, as I was labeled as such up to this day. i think i'm attaracted to men as well, but i dont consider myself gay. im too weird for that. tomorrow, i could still fall for a girl, and i used to have a guy/gay bestfriend from my previous employment, which coincidentally came from UP.he's a psycho and our philosphical views always differ. being in love with the same sex entails a lot, that even your partner does not understand that he/she's in an abnormal relationship, thus much attention and maintenance are needed.
i just like you and your thoughts.
btw, im a booker and nobel fan as well.i just acquired penelope fitzgerald's offshore yesterday, and i wasn't able to finish rushdie's midnight's children yet. is the white tiger that good? i was betting on fraction of the whole by steve toltz..
though not a booker book, look for shadow in the wind by carlos ruiz's really good..sadly havent finished it yet,because of work.

Victor Gregor said...

@anonymous: sabi mo yan ha. aantayin kong ipadala mo URL mo. hehe.

re booker and nobel: i'm more of a booker dude than a nobel dude. nobel books are quite on the politicized side, tama ba? although i found saramago to be quite good. mahilig ako sa mga surrealist magsulat.

hey, you haven't finished midnight's children yet? tapusin mo na; tedious lang siya basahin sa umpisa, pero cool talaga. it remains one of my undisputable favorites of all time.

sige i'll look for the books you recommended:

1. penelope fitzgerald's offshore
2. shadow in the wind by carlos ruiz zafon

re fraction of the whole: haven't read it. nominee ba? booker judges have this occasional fit of going gaga over indian authors. last year, they had one of those fits. hehe.

nakakainggit mga indian authors, their ex-colonists sort of admire them and their indian culture, while americans look down upon us. not that it's a big deal, but it would have been a huge consolation for us, after all the trouble they put us through. hehe.

Mr. Scheez said...

"Is it possible to have sex with someone out of pure, mere lust?" - yes, most of the time.

Victor Gregor said...

@Mr Scheez: Siguro. Naive lang talaga ako.

parteeboi said...

Is it possible to have sex with someone out of pure, mere lust? - indeed. hehehe.