Declaration of bankruptcy

I will be incommunicado thru SMS for the rest of the week. The current financial crisis is global. Please send me messages thru GMail (the one in my blog profile), Yahoomail, or UP Webmail.

To Do

Two whole boring rest days prompted me to reacquaint myself with my teenage era icon Jessica Z. Before she resigned herself to writing a column for a daily with a notoriously hideous layout, she had far better days. And when she frequently alluded to her three faithful readers back when she was still with the old Today, I swear she might be referring to Victor. Now look at what she did to me.

In any case, I opened my old Twisted books and browsing through them, I added a few items on my to-do list.

1. STORE BOOKS IN OLD SHOE BOXES; it prevents them from being dented. A pretty useful suggestion for me since all my books could not fit into the new bookshelf I bought. Jessica said she learned this helpful tip from Teddy Locsin, who also mentored her on the many better ways of covering books in plastic, without even using adhesive tape.

2. GO EAT AT MASUKI. Ever pined for old Ma Mon Luk where your folks often treat you with heavenly mami and siopao? Pine no more. I found out Masuki in Binondo is the old Ma Mon Luk, reinvented by the very children of Ma Mon Luk's owner. Now I'm too young to be familiar with the legendary Chinese joint, but everyone talks about it with such fond nostalgia that I am curious to find out if the reputation is well-earned. I suspect that I will hardly be disappointed.


3. SEE MAXIMO OLIVEROS WITH ENGLISH SUBTITLES. My VCD copy naturally doesn't have subtitles, but I could perhaps raid Quiapo for a DVD. Jessica subtitled the acclaimed film and I am curious how she translated some lines that would sound awkward in English. i.e "Hindi po yun shabu, tawas po yun!"

4. FIND OUT WHAT "JEPROKS" REALLY MEANS. The world dominatrix wrote "jeproks" came from "projects." I could not figure out the connection.

5. DELETE MY OLD HIGH SCHOOL BLOG. My writing style then was patterned after Jessica's witty, kick-ass diction, and it annoys me ceaselessly to be reminded that I aped someone else's schtick. The atrocious grammar errors dont help either.

PS. My (girl) friends back in high school have all expressed curiosity why I like Jessica Zafra back then. She bashes men on a regular basis, why do I read her? My darlings, if you're reading this, why are you so bad at getting hints?

Frustrations

1. Bebe and Rustom

Rustom Padilla is not simply dead. He was murdered by the fabulously wicked Bebe Gandanghari. Bebe is a selfish, ungrateful bitch. After coming out of the closet with Rustom’s help, why does she have to kill him?


2. Miriam Santiago

Miriam used to be smart. Her reputation as someone who can dish out tart, witty one-liners, with such admirable flair is eclipsed only by her former reputation as an iron-woman when it comes to battling corruption in the government.

Then she voted against the opening of the second envelope. Then she mentioned her dead son on TV in an election ad. Then she ran under Gloria’s party in the last Senatorial elections. Then she became too fond of making scenes and long speeches.

As Jessica Zafra once bemoaned, what happened to the good old Miriam that we have so adored in the past? We should appeal to the aliens who have abducted her; they must have placed a deranged dummy in her place.

3. Tide and Downey

Why would soap companies be disturbingly partial to politicians as their endorser? When Mar Roxas appeared in apparently Tide's latest commercial, I thought, “Well, everyone is entitled to make their own humiliating mistakes.” But when I recently saw Pia Cayetano on TV, sweeping her hand across an image of a huge overflowing dam, urging everyone to use Downey Isang Banlaw, my brain went short circuit.

4. KC Concepcion

What happens to a kid who’s sent abroad by an over-protective mom? She goes wild, once given the chance. She flirts with a former Hollywood star, does movies with a brother of a fallen beauty queen, and guests at every talk show airing on TV. So much for just shampoo commercials.

5. Ambitious project in progress

I have gone so far into my project that I can no longer go back. I am not sure if I can still pull it off. This is what happens when you’re too much a fan of great surrealist writers; their weird ideas rub off on you, but your talents remain inconsiderable. I guess there’s no option but to plough on with the story, and hope for the best.

The White Tiger

If Saleem Sinai of Salman Rushdie's Midnight's Children is the herald of India's rebirth, Balram Halwai of Aravind Adiga's The White Tiger is the herald of its fated noontide.

A debut novel of former Time correspondent Adiga and winner of the 2008 Booker Prize, The White Tiger is a black comedy about the modern India of juxtaposed poverty and wealth, of the typical dialectical materialism between those with power and those who do not.

Told in a series of letters written late at night by self-made enterpreneur Balram Halwai to China's Premier, Wen Jiabao, the novel takes the reader from Balram's lowly origins as the son of a rickshaw puller to his eventual triumph as a businessman in the city. His recipe for success: If you can't beat them, join them.

I found the book honest and disturbing. Honest, because it is unflinching in its portrayal of the human desire for wealth. Disturbing, because I can confirm the truth of these observations through personal experience. Not that I have anything particularly nasty, but I have been brought up in a family where ambition is passionately encouraged.

I remember my days in college when I would be grouped with rich kids who thought I was one of them. They would talk casually about this and that clothing line, this and that car model, this and that kind of restaurant, and I feel a kind of thrill that I can respond to most of what they were talking about and still refrain from looking like an Eager Beaver. Up until now, the bitches have no idea I just read a lot.

It is this line of thinking, this hidden but nonetheless solid desire to be one of those who have wealth and power, that threatens to crush my socialist tendencies. Balram started out with ambition and a clean desire to better his circumstances, but he is tempted and ultimately corrupted by the promising rewards of following the cutthroat rules of the game. It is so much easier and personally rewarding to succumb than to defy.

What is important to always remember, though, I think, is that desires are mere constructs, and most of the time, we desire what we are told to desire--a gorgeous girlfriend, the latest slinky gadgets, abs and biceps, nice clothes, a good credit score, a slot in heaven. In the words of the Oracle in the Matrix trilogy, the challenge is for us to make up our own damn minds.

Contemplathings XII

1. To resign or not to resign

It's final. Our company's migrating our account to Araneta Center on the 21st. Which means by then, I will have to start taking a jeep and a bus (or the MRT) everyday I go to work, since I live in Taguig. I ruled out the shuttle service in Market Market. (I've been getting tips that the car seats smell of old laundry.)

Then I read a company email from one of the Bosses. It noted that there is an alarming upward trend in absenteeism and tardiness, blah blah blah, and that there are agents who keep on getting away without punitive action. The email ends in a cheerful note: "I am not pleased and I don't want this to continue. I want blood."

In any case, there will have to be only one way to save my ass: resign before my neck says hi to the ax.

2. To text or not to text Joey.
To say that I miss him terribly would be the understatement of the century. There are times I would lie in my bed and try to remember his face and I would find out my memory of what he looks like fades by the day. That's a terrible thing, starting to unconsciously forget how someone you love looks like.

I want to continue texting him, invite him for a genuinely innocent cup of coffee. But that is the most guaranteed way to look like a stalker, and I'm not sure if I'm ready to look like one.


3. To go out or not to go out on V-Day.
I have been invited by someone already to go out on the day after this coming Friday the 13th. But I'm not sure it would be fair to the guy if I date him when I still have strong feelings for Joey.

I am also surprised though to find out that if it comes to it, there are actually people I would consider dating. Jeez, I'm a mess.

***

My apologies if I can't continue my project in progress. There are just so many things going inside my head; I think I need a real Pensieve. As Jamie said, blogging is some sort of Pensieve, but I think I need the real thing. I'm that screwed up.